1. Do NOT bother my plants. Don’t touch them; don’t talk to them; don’t water them; don’t rearrange them; don’t take clippings from them to start your own.
2. Do NOT come inside my home with bathing suits. I don’t care if you say they aren’t wet and that the towel you have wrapped around your butt isn’t wet either. Go sit on your furniture and enjoy the aroma and residual chlorine.
3. Do NOT share my bathrooms. Students will be allowed a quick visit in case of emergency. Others should change diapers in their cars (and don’t dispose of used diapers in my trash can, please) or go to the gas station on the corner for other needs — such as trying out all the interesting bottles and stuff similar to the ones on my shelves.
4. Do NOT move my furniture to look for outlets to charge your electronics. Don’t you dare! And while I’m at it, don’t rearrange what’s on my furniture to make yourself or your feet more comfortable. Just suffer in silence. Maybe watch the lesson that you were allowed in for the purpose of watching.
5. If you are going to sneak candy or snacks please dispose of the wrappings and leftovers in your own pockets or in the highly visible waste basket in my music room. If you stuff the evidence under a couch pillow or behind a book of the shelf again, I will save the ants and bring them to your living room so you can enjoy them.
6. If you need to take that crisis cell phone call during the lesson, I will stop the lesson and listen — while the clock is running, of course. But you may not take that important call in my kitchen, bathroom or bedroom. That’s what cars were invented for. Just sit in your car and talk on the phone. It works well.
7. If you don’t like the temperature in my teaching space, please do NOT try to adjust it. Don’t change the thermostat. Don’t open the windows. Don’t whine. Instead, plan ahead. Don’t wear a sweater and thigh high boots when it’s 104 outside. Don’t show up in shorts and flip flops in mid-October. Check weather reports.
8. Do NOT use my kitchen to prepare and serve your baby’s meal. Do NOT put oil in your car while you are parked in my driveway. Do NOT bring extra children to my home during lesson time and tell them to play in my backyard, my neighbor’s yard or my basement.
9. Don’t take a nap with your shoes on my sofa or allow your child to do so. Don’t bring take-out for your family’s dinner in with you and then tell me you can’t pay tuition until later. Don’t dust my furniture.